|Excepts From MANKIND
HAVE A NICE DAY!A TALE OF BLOOD AND
It is well know that Mick and Al are
Friends,in Mick's book he finds ways to pick fun
at Al,and Al's name is mentioned 247 times,here are excepts from the book Al
Snow-"Al Snow's name appears often,and what I say about him is not usually meant to be taken
seriously.Al and I have had a long standing
insult contest,which had to be stoped a few
months ago when feelings started getting hurt.It
is my hope that the cheap shots and digs I get in at a defenseless Al will jump-star our
contest,because causing Al Snow pain and
embarrassment is one of the simple joys in my
life.In truth,Al is a great guy and an excellent
wrestler,and if he gets the chance to write a
book,I would considerit an honor to be insulted
by him in it.Then,after buying Al's book,I will
buy some rock salt to sprinkle on all the places
where hell just froze over."
Al Snow-"Al Snow's name appears often,and what I say about him is not usually meant to be taken seriously.Al and I have had a long standing insult contest,which had to be stoped a few months ago when feelings started getting hurt.It is my hope that the cheap shots and digs I get in at a defenseless Al will jump-star our contest,because causing Al Snow pain and embarrassment is one of the simple joys in my life.In truth,Al is a great guy and an excellent wrestler,and if he gets the chance to write a book,I would considerit an honor to be insulted by him in it.Then,after buying Al's book,I will buy some rock salt to sprinkle on all the places where hell just froze over."
|"I had not been hit by my parents since the Parsonage Road spanking incident back in '68 that had left handprints on my little ass comparable to the handprints I leave on Al Snow's ass now"
"The Lizard hears this and is perturbed."Yes,I do,"he states."And I even wrote a piece of poetry about him."With that,Zuck then proceeds to read a piece of poetry that I actually written two years earlier.I guess you could say that John was kind of like my Al Snow back then,and I'm sure he's going to love seeing this in print"
"The tiny high school gym was packed with 1,000 screaming fans,and we were on first,so I headed for the dressing room to take a quick Snow and get dressed for my match."
"I quickly wiped my Sarven(Al's real name)and once dressed,proceeded to tear the house down with Troy,who by this time was wrestling as Troy Orndorff,supposedly the nephew of WWF superstar Paul Orndorff."
"The chicken was the sorriest thing I have ever seen,not including the Al Snow-Tiger Ali match from England"
"Guess what,I even got a girlfriend at Mark's house-an older veteran of the ladies' circuit.I'll leave it up to you fans to figure out who it was,but I'll give you a hint-Adrian Street wrote a song about her called"Mighty Big Girl."Unfortunatly,when we weren't throwing each other around Tendler's basement,we didn't have a whole lot to say,which made me pretty miserable in the relationship,and the whole thing fizzled out about as quickly as an Al Snow entrance pop."
"Never mind,I'll read it myself."When Brian handed me the sheet,I took it to a place where I could concentrate,and it was there,on the bowl of the Hildebrand house in Pittsburgh while squeezing out a solid Snow,that I read the biggest compliment of my young career."Cactus Jack,who many consider to be the best no-name independent in the county"
"One night when we stopped for gas,a bum approached us as we got out of the car.I didn't say too much to him except"Hi Mr.Snow"(just kidding,Al)as I pumped the gas"
"Considering the parade of stiffs who stunk up World Wrestling Federation rings for years,Vince ought to be slapped for insulting the Hardcore Legend like that.Or at least forced to watch an hour of Al Snow matches.No wonder I hit Vince so damn hard when I finally got the chance."
"As a matter of fact,Al Snow and I almost had to go to wrestler's court to face formal charges of stranding Bob Holly at the airport in order to go to a carnival.We were guilty as hell,but we settle out of court to the tune of two nights' free lodging,meals,and rental car,and the reimbursement of $80 that the cranky,curmudgeonly"I don't want to go to a carnival"Bob had to pay for his own car>"
"I came though the curtain dragging Mikey by the arm,as he tried desperately to get away.He looked like a child who doesn't want to sit on Santa's lap,or an adult who is forced to watch an Al Snow match."
"He could see that his words had staggered me and was quick to try to straighten me out."Look,Cactus,don't let that worry you.Once Vince sees you and gets to know you,he'll be your biggest fan of all!""I left our conversation feeling as if I'd just watched three Al Snow matches"
"Al Snow and Marty Jannetty were the first guys I hooked up with after my driving divorce from the man they call Vader.Marty had,at one time been one of the hottest prospects and best young wrestlers in the business,but his love for the night life and a tendency to get himself in trouble had led to various hirings and firings,each of which resulted in a smaller role in the company.Marty's role at this point in 1996 was his smallest ever-as half of the New Rockers tag team,along with AL Snow.At this point,Al had been forced to change his name to Leif Cassidy,a combination of two seventies hearthrobs.At one time,Shawn Michaels as his partner,Marty had been a part of some of the World Wrestling Federation's greatest matches.Michaels had gone on to e one of the Feeration's biggest superstars,whil Janetty seemed to drift aimlessly.His only joy in life,it seemed,was tormenting poor Al.He would ride Al at any opportunity.When Al was in a public toilet,Marty would wad up wet paper towels and throw them at him.he would put pitchers of water on top of doors and tilt garbage cans in front of them."
"Al is one of my favorites to ride with.I know that I've pked fun at Al sveral times in this book,but it's not out of any malice toward the Crown Prince of Hardcore,but rather the continuation of a long standing tradition of insulting each other.The insults actually stared out innocently,but soon came to be judge in much the same way a boxing match is.A decent joke was considered a jab,a good quality joke,a strigh right,and the big daddy of all insults would result in a knockout.Knockouts were rare,but in all honesty,I score them much more frequently than Al could ever have hoped to. "Throwing in the false acccusation of homosexuality was also highly valued in our contest-infact,for quite a while,it dominate the competition.For examply,when I was in the midst of a series of matches with Austin,I would tell Al,"Hey,it's probably unfair that I get all the title shots with Steve,so I'll tell you what....tonight I'm going to let you go a couple of round with my bald-headed champion."Definite knockout.Part of the rules were that no bodily action or orifice couls be referred to by a vulgar or ofensive word.It just showed a lack of imagination." "Bob Holly was actually disqualified for lack of ingenuity.I mean,why use a common word like"cock"when I could tell Al to"go fish for my
one-eyed,blue-veined,purple-headed trouser trout"instead? As it turned out,a road trip with Al and me could be pretty overwhelming.After five days inCanada,Too Hot Scott Taylor returned home to his wife,who asked him how he'd enjoyed traveling with us."It was fine,"he told her"except all they talked about was hammering each other."Scott was not the only one who stopped riding with us after one road trip."
"Throwing in the false acccusation of homosexuality was also highly valued in our contest-infact,for quite a while,it dominate the competition.For examply,when I was in the midst of a series of matches with Austin,I would tell Al,"Hey,it's probably unfair that I get all the title shots with Steve,so I'll tell you what....tonight I'm going to let you go a couple of round with my bald-headed champion."Definite knockout.Part of the rules were that no bodily action or orifice couls be referred to by a vulgar or ofensive word.It just showed a lack of imagination."
"Bob Holly was actually disqualified for lack of ingenuity.I mean,why use a common word like"cock"when I could tell Al to"go fish for my one-eyed,blue-veined,purple-headed trouser trout"instead? As it turned out,a road trip with Al and me could be pretty overwhelming.After five days inCanada,Too Hot Scott Taylor returned home to his wife,who asked him how he'd enjoyed traveling with us."It was fine,"he told her"except all they talked about was hammering each other."Scott was not the only one who stopped riding with us after one road trip."
"Afer a while,I was able to use a valuable weapon-the fake laugh.We began to take our feud public,and the fake laugh buried Al.I would tell a joke,and it woud be met by howls of fake laughter,while Al's attempts were met with total silence."Ihate you,"is all he could manage to say before leaving,a defeated man.When I combined the fake laugh with the growning influence of the Internet,the knockout ratio really started to explde.If I saw the roving camera they used for the World Wrestling Federation Internet show durning lunch,Al was as good as done"What's the difference between me and Jack in the Box?"Jack in the Box serves up a jumbo jack between two buns,and I serve Cactus Jack between Al Snow's buns."
"Al was a remarkably good sport about all this until I over stepped the boundaries of fair play and took my brutal power and displayed it on national television.First on a pre-WrestleMania party,where I told the audience that"in addition to visting the Liberty Bell and seeing the original Declaration of Independence in Philadelphia,I also went to a very small museum,where up on the third floor,under heavy security,I had found a very rare tape of Al Snow's last good match."A few weeks later,I upped the ante with a knockout so stunning,it made Butterbean-Bart Gunn look like a fifteen-rond technical battle.Al felt like he was under pressure to retaliate and nearly ruined his career by launching a five-minute verbal assault on Mankind,while doing guest commentary on the next evening's Raw.Besides the fact that it was both unfunny and unimaginative,Vince had personally hated it,and as a result,I felt the need to apologize."Vince,I'm sorry that I used your show as a forum to push my little rib with Al.It was unprofessional,and I apolagize." "Vince then hit me with words I never expected to hear."Mick,I don't mind when you do it,but Al ruined an entire segment by talking about you."I basically had carte blanche from the boss to ruin Al,to embarrass him and make him suffer.I don't think I will,but it's nice to know I can.Oh,by the way,I invented the whole"head"thing"(Webmaster note:if you click on "multimedia"and then click on"wav's"you will find not only Micks shoot about Al's last great match,but also a page you can click that has Al's guest commentary from Raw where he tries to shoot back at Mick)
"Vince then hit me with words I never expected to hear."Mick,I don't mind when you do it,but Al ruined an entire segment by talking about you."I basically had carte blanche from the boss to ruin Al,to embarrass him and make him suffer.I don't think I will,but it's nice to know I can.Oh,by the way,I invented the whole"head"thing"(Webmaster note:if you click on "multimedia"and then click on"wav's"you will find not only Micks shoot about Al's last great match,but also a page you can click that has Al's guest commentary from Raw where he tries to shoot back at Mick)
"Someone had poured a full cup of urine on me.Needless to say,I didn't want to wrestle.I really thought maybe the kids would be fine swinging on the $94 Kmart special.I did end up wrestling,and I did buy that playset,even though every time I watched my two peanuts swinging happily or sliding joyfully,I'd automatically think of being doused with bodily fluids.And I'm not talking about the bodily fluid I used to douse Al Snow with either.Yes!Maybe not a knockout,but definitely a stiff jab!"
"When we went off the air,the Undertaker emerged thrugh the dirt,where he was helped to the back,No,I'm sorry,that's not what happened.When we went off the air,the wrestlers dug him out of the grave,and he received emergency medical treatment.No,that wasn't it eather.Oh yeah,I remember.When we went off the air,the New Rockers' music played,and Marty Jannetty and Al Snow came running out to wrestle the Bushwhackers in a special"bonus" match"
"They want me to wrestle Mero"Colette's face quickly converted into a mask of disdain-as if she'd just smelled a fart or seen an Al Snow match"
"How could I disagree?At this point I didn't think they would buy a match with me against anyone.Who knows-maybe a Mankind vs Al Snow match with a loser must wrestle Pete Gas for a year stipulation wasn't far away"
"I looked like a cross between Popeye Doyle when he was strung out on smack in The French Connection2 and an audience after sitting through an Al Snow match"
"When I got back to the dressing room,Al Snow informed me,"You should have seen Vince's face when you hugged him.It was hilarous."Sure enough, when I saw the tape of it,I had to laugh"
"Al Snow was next,and he did the J-O-B- on the PPV.Vince had masterminded a plot that included stealing Mr.Socko and placing him around Al Snow's HEAD.Now usualy I'm a big fan of the Federation story lines, but this one was a little weak.for one thing,Mr.Socko was actually several different Sockos,as I threw my Socko to the crowd after a match.Apparently this sock was special,as I mourned it's loss.For his part,Al looked like a complete moron for parading around with a Mr.Socko headband stapled to his HEAD.When I saw the missing Socko,I went ballistic and,as usual Al played Winger to my Hulka,as I scored the victory."
Webmaster:Now this last Except is out of context as all the other excepts from the book are in order as to when I read them,but this last one is some what like a punch line,read on.......
"I needed just one more special trick to really brighten Vince's day,In a decision that would both help and haunt me,I grabbed Al Snow"......."Al I've got a problem,"I said."I'm going to visit Vince in the hospital and I've got a bunch of great gimmicks I'm bringing with me,but I feel like I need maybe one more.What's something really stupid that I can bring with me that Vince will hate?"Al thought it over inside that pea-size brain of his and quickly replied,"How abou a sock puppet?"......."Happy now,Al?Are you?Happy,Happy,Happy?Well,I certainly hope so.Man,it hurts to admit it,but yes,Al Snow did think of Mr.Socko.Well,I guess we're even now,aren't we Al,seeing as how I invented your whole"HEAD"gimmick?The only difference is,without Mr.Socko,I'd still be a fairly popular wrestler-without my "head"idea,Al would be doing my yardwork."Would you like me to finish planting those seeds,Mr.Foley?"No,no,that's all right Al,but I have some special seed of my own that I'll be planting in a minute."Ho,ho,ho,Oh,no,no,no.Oh boy,oh that's good.(Fake laugh works every time)
So in October of 2000 the paperback of "Have a Nice Day came out and as you would guess there was more said about Al in the bonus chapter added to the book........
"I guess while I'm at it,I might as well apologize to Al Snow for all the insensitive comments I made about him throughout the course of the book.No on second thought,let me cancel out that apology,because I'm pretty damn proud of that aspect of the book.As far as I'm concerned,I only wish I could have gotten more jokes in at Al's expence to further expedite my ultimate goal of total and complete Al Snow humiliation and degradation."
"Surely two hundred thousand words had only served to whet the nation's appetite for Foley.Certainly they were perpared to howl with laughter at the thought of Bob Holly giving Al Snow the"penis suplex"in Montreal"
"I will probably remain the only actual wrestler/auther around,but there will be so many damn ghostwritten wrestler"autobiographies"that mine would probably get lost in the shuffle.For crying out loud,I even heard"The Wit and Wisdom of Al Snow"is in the works"
"I really never thought I'd say this,but in some ways I wish I was Al Snow,where even in his town of Lima,Ohio,no one really gives a rat's ass about him."As for Al,he refuses to acknowlege that my book was good for his career.He plays it off as if I'm just obsessed with making fun of him,but I think deep down he was happy to be mentioned so many times,Al and I even teamed briefly,and our chemisty was so good(outside the ring-inside it sucked) that the UPN network asked for us to co-host its end-of-the-year World Wrestling Federation special.Hell,we even guested together on "Love Line",the sexual advice show on MTV."
"With the connection broken,Al Snow weasels in as my new best buddy.As mentioned earlier,we are able to make the Al Snow jokes part of the storyline in addition to real life situation of Al's action figures being yanked out of Wal-Mart across the nation because a couple of professors at Kenesaw State College label them as a"textbook for spousal abuse."
|"Whether it is Mick's constant jokes about his good friend Al Snow or his funny spin on this business. For those of you who are wondering, Mick Foley and Al Snow have a long-standing insult contest, which is talk about in the beginning of the book. For those who don't know about this it had to be stop during this summer when Foley and Snow started to hurt each other's feelings. However, Foley is trying to get the contest started once again with the countless number of insults about Snow in his book. It starts off during the first page that Mick Foley wrote. When he said that he means to hard feelings to Al Snow, and if Snow ever writes a book he would be honored to have Snow insult him."
The Daily Powerbomb
"The book has not one dull moment but the Al Snow jokes do get a little out of hand."
"If you want to laugh at a lot of jokes at Al Snow's expense, read this book. Highly recommended."
"If I were to nit-pick at all, it would have to be at the fact that Mick is NOT a writer. He does an adequate job, but he tends to ramble sometimes, and the humor he tries to inject gets kinda old and predictable. I mean, hey, I liked the first 20 Al Snow jokes, but after the 60th, I started to tire."
|Bagipe Report #655 12/05/99
Part of an interview with Mick Foley
Jenn: Before you go, tell me, who's your best friend in wrestling?
Mick: (laughs) Well, my wife and I were, I was talking aboutthat with my wife yesterday, and I was saying, "It is pretty pathetic that Al Snow's my best friend in the wrestling business!" I've got a couple of other close friends, like Terry Funk. I think I detailed the reasons why, even though they like me, they don't want to ride with me, because I my own agenda.
Jenn: Did this insult thing that had have to be stopped,you talked about it in your book---were you insulting him and hurting his feelings, or was he insulting you and hurting your feelings?
Mick: (laughs) A little of both!
Jenn: It doesn't seem like either of you could take each otherseriously.
Mick: Well, the problem was that Al ended up feeling likehe had to get back at me, for telling the joke abouthim landing a job as the spokesman for Lazy Boy, andthat it's odd because Al doesn't usually sell chairs.And Al was sensitive about that one timewhen he'd been hit with FOUR chairs,and it apparentlydidn't phase him, even though in reality it knockedhim goofy! So he chose to give his rebuttal on RAW, immediately following a sequence where I had been leftfor dead, in the context of the show on. I got hot because I thought that wasn't the right time or place to get back at me! So, maybe it was my feelings getting hurt. But I do know, you know, for example, now Al and I, what I think is great is that we've taken this"behind-the-scenes" contest and actually gotten on the air now! When we were in Las Vegas, we were actually hosting WWF's UPN Greatest Hits, During the course ofthat, we get to throw several jabs at each other. Andwhat's nice is we did the stuff in Las Vegas, and UPN came to WWF and said they liked our chemistry,and then requested that me and Al do the introductions!
Jenn: That's great.
Mick: So, all these (laughs) jokes have actually ended uphelping out Al, even if he'd probably never admit it!
Jenn: Al seems like a very nice, funny, hard-working guy!
Mick: Yeah, he is!
Jenn: Who hasn't gotten the credit he's deserved.
Mick: And now he's best-known as the guy whose toys havebeen banned from Wal-Mart!
Jenn: A great claim to fame! "Hardcore Legend", you're great!
Mick: Have a nice day!
Jenn: Thank you Mick!