|Hello........this is your old webmaster reporting for the new WWE show which stars Al doing color
Well if you have one of those old out of date Dishes and you live on the west coast if you had a brain you would know that if something should be on at 10:00 Pacific you should be as wise as to know that you should be tuning into said show at 7:00 Pacific time not 8:00 time....so like the goofball your webmaster is I missed the first match.......put do not get your panties in a punch.....as last night I had a dream about the first match....
Ok that is not true I read on line what happened in the first match and unless the person that wrote the report was telling stories this is what happened.......
Billy Kidman vs Tajiri Kidman kicks Tajiri in the corner.....a stiff kick to Kidman's noodle by Tajiri..... Tajiri tossed Kidman out of the ring...... Tajiri wraps Kidman's arm around the ring post like it's a piece of Bubble Gum and Tajiri with a kick to Bily's face again.
Back in the ring Tajiri goes crazy and kicks Billy in the face around two thousand times.... Tajiri turns Billy into a surfboard for a two count..... Billy then hits Tajiri with a crossbody for a two count.
Tajiri dropkicks Kidman in the noodle for a two count........ Tajiri then hits Billy with a single arm DDT followed by an arm bar submission hold...... Tajiri from the top rope missed with a moonsault...... Billy with a powerbomb gets a two count.
Tajiri then with a back kick to the face gets a two count. Billy's had about enough and counters Tajiri's handspring into a back elbow with a dropkick.......Ah Oh look out it's a Tarantula by Tajiri.....
Whats this then?... Torrie Wilson walks down in front of the ring and tries to trip Tajiri..... The distracted Tajiri gets picked up by Kidman for a inverted powerbomb for the pin.........Kidman jumps on his horse and rides off into the sunset......
Next match is Hardcore Holly Big Val Boatski
Yow....Clothesline by the Boatski..... then the Boatski punches and Chops Mean Bob in the corner..... Boatski hits Bobby a double underhook suplex for a two count.....then an elbow drop and knee drop by the Boatski.... Bob hangs the Boatski across the ropes.
Wow.....Holy Cow Belly to belly suplex by Holly for a two count.........
Out runs Hawk who jumps into the ring...pulls his pants down and hangs a BA at Bob.....Hawk then runs away.... Bob laughs so hard that he again hangs the Boatski over the ropes and kicks him in the stomach......the Boatski vomits up a hairball...
Al talks about how hard it is to cut the kids from Tough Enough.....Al says"He got a little wood on the ball on that one"....A Suplex by Bob-o for another two count.....then a Clothesline by Bob.......ugh...a Powerslam by the Boatski for another two count..... the Boatski hits Bob with one of his fisherman friends and a suplex for a two count...... Powerbomb by the Boatski for a two count...... Spinebuster by the Boatski followed by a missed money shot.
Bob hits the Boatski with a standing dropkick for the win.....
After the match The Boatski gets on Bob's face...... This makes Bob unhappy so he hits the Boatski with a clothesline and mounts with punches to the face.....
Oh My!..... Randy Orton hits the ring and dropkicks Bob out of the ring and tells Bob to stop picking on Hawk.......ok.....I'm telling stories ....some of this did not happen but your winner really was Bob
Al states that the Bra and Panties match is up next and does the grrrrr like a tiger sounds
But first they come back from some adds and they show the Hulk retireing thingie we all seen on Smackdown.......by the time this was all over my clock on the wall said there was about one second for this Womans match
Next up was the WWE Women's Championship Bra and Panties Match staring Stacy Keibler vs Trish Stratus
MC:We are about to see legs and alot more!!!!
Al:I can only hope!
Al:Yesssss....I am so happy right now
Al complains that Stacy danced on the table on Smackdown but she is not dancing for him
Al:All I can say is God Bless Mr. McMahon
Stacy takes off her clothes to start off the match......the nudie parts of Stacy are blacked out by the camera man....ok not true but I'm sure all the little boys out there have wet dreams about that......anyway Stacy(not naked by the way)
Al makes a statment that just about anybody can get Stacy's Pants off
Stacy foot chokes Trish in the corner.....hope she washed her feet.... Trish chops Stacy really really hard in the ropes......
Al:Test's kiss to Trish was pretty toothie
Trish gets put in the tree of "woe is me" and Stacy strips her shirt off. Trish gets out and rips Stacy's shirt off.(wow never seen that coming)... Both women trade slaps......they start to make sound like two cats fighting.... Trish rolls Stacy up and takes off her shorts for the win which I must say was pretty nasty
Al:We all do!
Al:I'll say it again....God Bless Mr.McMahon....
..........Stacy's naked and runs around and around the ring till she gets dizzy and falls over and goes to sleep....ha.....right .....so it would seem that Trish wins....ya who!!!
MC takes us out.....
Al:Do I have an Drool??????
|Hello this is your old Webmaster Wayne-o !#%^* and I have this weeks(6/1/02) Velocity recap
The show starts off with fireworks and I know damn well if today was the Fourth of July that I would be in bed before the fireworks started.....but that's a whole other story so lets get on to what went down on this weeks show
Down the ramp comes the Worlds Strongest Man.......MC talks about how Mark lefted the car and then they talk about the frying Pan
Al: And took it with his bare hands and rolled up a Frying Pan!
MC:Like it was a Newspaper
Al:Yea and by the looks of him he used that frying Pan for more then using it as a Newspaper
Out comes the Godfather....what in THE hell has he done to his hair?????.....and I thought I look bad with my fake Dreads
They wrestle around.....
Al;I would hope I know where I was after Mark Henry landed on my head....
A bear hug and the Godfather gives up.....uh......what a wimp
Al:He's like a human vice crushing your ribs!
They then Show the Smackdown match between the Underbiker and Randy Orton.....now I have to say I liked that match......you got to say that the old Underbiker worked his butt of in this match......I give it a 10.....they also showed Hunters run in ect ect.......
Then a recap of the Test vs Hunter match with the run in by Lance......who by the way is from West Canada like it or not......this too I thought was a great match on Smackdown......and too funny Hunter does the J.O.B. again......poor Hunter just doesn't seem the same since he came back from his leg rehab.....in my opinion anywho...and you know what they say about opinions
Next match up and to the ring is Albert.......wait a second......did he got shave all that body hair off last time I seen him???.....yiks it's growing back......maybe he needs to get some weed killer
Al does a Hungry Man Dinner spot
MC:i'm thinking Albert eats alot of Hungry Man Dinners...
Al:Hell he keeps them in business.....and so does this guy
Down the ramp comes Hugh Morrus....Al calls him the Human Humbee and that Albert is the Great American Grizzly.....and so on and so forth......one cool move in this match was a jump off the top rope by Hugh who on the way down gets a boot to the nooodle from Albert......I was laughing so hard it hurt....in more ways then one.......Albert wins by way of the Bald-o Bomb
We then move on to the cage match on Smackdown between Kurt and Edge in which it looked like Kurt was having a bad hair day.....enough said about that
Now here is where the show gets real funny and we go to a Volecity EXCLUSIVE.....oh wow!!!.....oh wait....it's just Hulk and Edge in the ring doing the hand to the ear thing after Smackdown went off the air.....wouldn't you think if your going to make something EXCLUSIVE that it would be something more then that???....uh???.....I don't know...maybe it's just me
But WAIT!......they save face by showing this bit of a chat with Tori and Stacy who meet up with each other in a hall way
Tori:Oh Hi Stacy
Stacy:Oh I have been meaning to ask up what is up with you and Maven?
Tori:Why does the thought of spending time with a guy three times your age sound boring to you????
Stacy:Ummm,you have no idea anything about me and Mr. McMahon's relationship
Tori:Your Right...your right....maybe I should ask Dawm Marie
Stacy:Ummmm,what do you mean by that?
Tori:Oh nothing I just ah I saw Smackdown last week and it looks like you might have a little compitition.....see yea......
Al:MEOW.....Here Kitty Kitty...
They go on to show Tori's kiss to Maven......ect ect.....what not.....Maven breaking his leg and so on
Next up was the recap of the winners of Tough Enough Two...in which if you didn't see it the boys got used and it looked like Jake was going to cry......but thumbs up to winner Linda and the girl who says that Al is like a father to her .....Jackie.....and after all isn't Al like a father to all of us?......well maybe not me because I'm older then Al.... but so it goes....
Next Match was Reverend D-von who blah blahed in the ring then had a match with the Boatski......again with this guy?????.........Al states that he is happy with himself tonight because he came up with a couple of good points on the show......way to go Al......
Down the ramp run the 13 Midget contestants for Tough Enough Three........they all jump in the ring and start bitting the Boatski......the whole thing looks like somethng out of Celeberty Death match.....with a leg over here and a leg over there and Al playing with the Boatski's heart which went flying out of the ring and smacking Al in the face....Boatski's penis flys high in the air and lands.......
Ok I won't go there....lets just say that D-Von won with some cheating by the Decon
|The last show featuring Al as co host starts with a recap of Mr. McMahon's decision to make the Vengeance main event into a Triple Threat Match that will pit Undisputed WWE Champion The Undertaker versus The Rock versus Kurt Angle.
Match One: Billy Kidman vs. Chavo Guerrero(Velocity is their home)
A series of basics and reversals leads to a standoff. Chavo goes to work with forearms and a hammerlock. Billy retorts with a dropkick and a head scissors takeover that sends Chavo out of the ring. Kidman slides out, but Chavo assumes control by driving Billy's back into the guardrail. Chavo works a backbreaker on the inside and gets a near fall from referee Brian Hebner. Chavo works a surfboard, but Kidman fights out. Chavo corrals Kidman again for an abdominal stretch. Billy escapes again and goes for an inziguri, but Chavo sees it coming and turns it into a slingshot/backbreaker off the ropes. Very nice. Chavo works Kidman over in the corner, but Billy surges back and gets a near fall. Chavo puts Billy on top and backbreakers him off. 1-2-kickout. Big DDT by Chavo, 1-2-shoulder up. Chavo tries to set something up on top, but Kidman alertly scores a supercuranna and gets the 1-2-3. Billy ekes one out as Chavo absolutely dominated the match. - Winner: Billy Kidman
Hey....not a bad write up for that match uh????
Al talks about the Raw "highlights" of Shawn Michaels' latest fifteen-minute promo, this one directed at Triple H. (editors note:I see the dude that wrote this kidnapped report doesn't like Shawn's blah blah blahing....wow thats neer happened before-snickering)
Match 2-Tajiri vs. Shannon Moore -Oh man Tajiri again was my first thought......but then I looked up and seen Shannon Moore walking down the ramp and I said to myself....."what the F???"
Anyway the dude that wrote this report said-This, needless to say, is Johnny 3-Count's WWE debut. A series of arm work leads to basics and a near fall from Moore from referee Jimmy Korderes. Moore runs right into a Tajiri kick in the corner and The Buzzsaw goes to work. Moore scores a nice sunset flip out of the corner for two before Tajiri works a modified STF. Slam and a legdrop by Tajiri. 1-2-kickout. They trade corner chops and it's Tarantula time. Tajiri misses the springboard moonsault and Moore scores a series of clotheslines. 1-2-kickout by Tajiri. Beautiful corkscrew moonsault off the top by Moore. 1-2-shoulder up. Moore gets another two count after a brainbuster before Tajiri is sent to the outside. Moore scores the somersault plancha. Moore tosses Tajiri back in and comes at him off the top, but Tajiri catches him right in the chest with a kick. Moore lands on his knees, which leaves him easy prey for The Kick of Death and the 1-2-3. Nice debut for Moore, good match.
And then Tank came out and danced around.....ok not really but I loved that.....I kind of miss Tank..... Winner: Tajiri
MC and Al talk Smackdown highlights of The Rock's return (which we're told was "electrifying").....(editors note....was fun to see the Rock back I must say) and promo his with Kurt Angle. Strangely absent is the near ten-minute in-ring commercial for Halloween: Resurrection Rocky did with Busta Rhymes before Angle hit the ring.
WWE Slam of the Week: On Smackdown, Hollywood Hulk Hogan & Edge retain their Tag Team Championship against Billy & Chuck.
Match 3-Randy Orton vs. Albert (editors note......damn it all to hell!!!!....Albert AGAIN????......this dude has been on every Velocity.....I can't stands it....I can't stands it no more!)
The real dude writeing this then had this to say
-Albert controls with power at the start, but Orton counters him into the buckle. Albert presses Orton, but Randy escapes and scores a dropkick to the knee for two from referee Mike Sparks. Albert assumes command with kicks in the corner and a right hand. Albert posts Orton in opposite corners and gets a near fall. Albert slingshots Orton's throat under the bottom rope, 1-2-shoulder up. Orton manages to slow Albert down with right hands and drives Albert's head into the mat from the second rope for two. Albert goes for the Baldo Bomb, but Orton dropkicks out of it. Albert recovers and creams Orton with an avalanche. 1-2-Randy gets the foot on the bottom rope. Albert argues with referee Sparks and then shoves the official. Orton sneaks in from behind and school boys Albert. Referee Sparks fast-counts the three and that's that. See what happens with you bully the ref?(editors note:Yea....see?)_ Winner: Randy Orton
After the bell an irate Albert leaves Orton lying after a bicycle kick, an inverted TKO and the Baldo Bomb.(editors note:What a meanie....Ordo is on Velocity all the time now too.....but I don't mind watching him.....it's that damn Albert....ugh!....
WWE Extreme Blast of the Night: At King of the Ring, The Rock interferes in The Undertaker's Undisputed Championship Match.
Al talks about Smackdown highlights of the tag team main event and its build-up.
Match 4- Test vs. The Big Valbowski (editors note:The Boatski again????.....I'm thinking of pulling out my hair
And the dude writes-Val starts out quickly in the corner with punches and dropkick. We move outside where Val takes it to Test further. Test scores a wicked clothesline back on the inside followed by an even stronger one in the corner. A third huge clothesline drops Val in the corner. Val works the Kevin Nash-esque elbows in the corner and floors Val with a right hand. Val gets the boot up on a charge and surges back into the match with a slam and a near fall from referee Mike Sparks. Test goes for the pumphandle slam, but Val escapes out the back door and wraps Test up in the inverted figure four. Test refuses to tap and makes it to the ropes. Test catches Val coming in and scores a full nelson slam. 1-2-kickout. Test goes for the Big Boot, but Val dodges and scores a spinebuster. Val signals for his spinout powerbomb, but Test goes low right in front of the referee and Sparks calls for the bell. - Winner as the result of a Disqualification: The Big Valbowski(editors note:The big cheater)
After the bell Test absolutely tattoos Val with the Big Boot and leaves him KO'd.(editors note:Gots to love Test......he's come a long ways no???
MC and Al quickly wrap things up and head off to Dennys or something....
Now it is dark