Tough Enough Two Show One

Tough Enough 2 Premiere--02/28/02

Hey, all, and welcome to the premiere of the new season of Tough Enough 2! It already promises to be intriguing and entertaining, so let's get to it..

The show opens with its usual fast-paced montage of WWF Superstars--and Nidia and Maven welcome us, telling us what the show is basically about, and what the rules are--interspersed throughout with shots of the trainers involved. We find out that over 5,000 tapes were initially submitted, and we are treated to bits of a comical few of them..including a flying squirrel, a chicken imitation, a hissing lizard and some dude ripping what appears to be electrical tape painfully off his nipples...What? No Evil Custodian?

The tryouts were held in an outside ring this time at Caesar's Palace in 'Fabulous' Las Vegas--and out of the 5,000 tapes submitted, 250 were chosen to come and try out. We see them waiting in a long line, and meet a fleeting few--including Rudy, the brother of Josh from the first Tough Enough. Hmm, he seems a little jealous...

Next, they introduce the judges and trainers--Al Snow, Bob Holly, Ivory, Chavo, 'Big' Gaburick, 'Good 'Ol' JR, Kevin Dunn, and a few nameless others..Holly says that what they are looking for are ones with athletic ability. JR and Al tell us what is expected of them: a few clapping pushups, running the bags, a hip-up, etc..Chavo says that you can usually tell right away if they have the stamina to last in the ring with a WWF Superstar. We meet a few of the hopefuls then, letting us in on their thoughts..

And the games begin...we see first up, Jake the firefighter with the gimmick haircut, who claims to be in better shape than 'any of those guys'...and is a wee bit cocky..and itty-bitty Katrina, the wrestling champion, who broke her back in a car accident in 1999, and made a full recovery---I am impressed. Bob asks her why she is crying, and she replies that it is because she wants it so bad..Then there is big 'ol Robert from Chicago, who had a tough life coming up and once lived in the back of a beauty salon with his family because they were homeless..I won't get into each and everyone of them, bacause space and time limits, but they are all very interesting..and very different personalities.

Next up we have the required humilation of the 'out-of-shapers'..and whew! These people got some cajones, showing up like that, especially after seeing the first season..there are a lot of 'heavyweights' and a few incredibly clumsy 'Barbies' thrown in there..Al tells one 'Cosmo' from Cali that he needs a little spackle as he has a bit of 'Plumber's Crack' showing..and it is a gruesome sight indeed...

All the guys try to make it clear that 'All the women want them' except for Grey, the Mormon--who is splatted for not having is speculated that he has quite 'a grip'..har, har..and let's not forget 'Danimal'(isn't that a youghurt?) who is 5'9" and 15/16ths...and treats us all to a little dance fever..even Bob says that he 'did a h*lluva job entertaining us.', although Kevin Dunn says that it was 'the worst Kurt Angle impersonation ' he has ever seen..They then put Rudy (Josh's brother) through the ringer a little bit--asking him why they should put him on tv when they already put one member of his family on..and he says that they 'got the lesser member'---ooo, catty..He also says that constantly hearing about Josh makes you 'sick after a while'...Al (with enormous grin in place) asks him, 'How much did it eat you up that Josh was on tv and getting to do this?', to which Rudy replies that he watched him with 'clenched fists and clenched teeth', saying how hard it was to see Josh achieve his dream ahead of! Ivory comments that the pickings are mighty slim..and I kinda agree so far..You all get the picture. Another barrage of hot air and ego--and she says that she is disappointed that she is not seeing anyone bring anything to them--so that they can make something out of them...

On and on the 'Standout Mini-Profiles' go, teasing us..until night falls..we meet big 'ol Matt, and 'feisty' Alicia, AKA the 'Lone Ranger'and big, beautiful Anni--who we find is quite an athlete, and holds the Women's Bench Press record..then there is a break with more entertaining failures (with weary looks and a bit of bleeped profanity from Bob)..and we move on to Shad, who is a boxer and a basketball player and bouncer.

More weary shots of the judges, and we hear Ivory say that they have been at it from eight 'o clock that morning until then---eleven Pm..and that they are bored out of their minds..So they show us why! More people that are trying to be: a) sexy, b) dedicated, c) pretty much certifiable..I have had just about enough..

The producers realize this fact, apparently, and we take a short break from the circus to see Ivory actually go in and encourge more insanity---giving the hopefuls 'advice', telling them to make the biggest *sses of themselves they can imagine making, because usually when they are making *sses of themselves they are doing a great job as an auditioner...They all seem most agreeable to this...*sigh* Kids today.

Next up is the incredibly energetic Hawk, (Al: 'What the H*ll was that?'), who does not take the medication (good for him!) for his ADD, and proves how 'crazy' he is by taking Ivory's challenge to go jump in the fountain pool...the judges all laugh and cheer him on, hahah..Sopping wet, he climbs back into the ring---and Chavo tells him to do it again! Naturally, he does. (This kid has real potential!)

On to Aaron, who first season ago---mistakenly sent the wrong tape to them---a tape of he and his girlfriend doing, um..what comes naturally...okey dokey..He goes on about how much he loves his girlfriend, and then proceeds to try and crack on Ivory..They tell him to do something that embarrasses himself--and he pulls down his britches--now, now---if he were that embarrassed---WHY DID HE MAKE A TAPE WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND?

Then, perhaps, the crown jewel of them all...Brendon, the self-proclaimed 'pretty boy'--complete with supermodel shots...which turn out to be suspicious when we see him in person without his shirt..C'mon dude, who do you think you are fooling? No one! One Beth (one of the nameless judges) busts him verbally wide open..asking him why his pictures are so radically different from what she is seeing before her (Personal note: HAHAHAHHAHAHAH! SPLAT!) and Ivory asks the burning question that was on all of our collective minds at that point---'Is that computer generated?' I just about died. He gave some lame excuse about liking to eat....yeah, yeah...NEXT!

The profiles go on, including gymnastic John, who almost blows it with JR by not knowing what a spinnaroonie is..but does a pretty reasonable facsimile; and Linda, the basketball player from a family of ten; Pete, the former 'fat kid'; and more goofballs--with Chavo commenting that he would rather have them come out and tell them a litle about about themselves--than cut a promo and tell them how 'great' they are, and how everyone wants them---me, too,, too..We are then treated to more examples of this..

Then we see Kenny, the 'Champion', and Al says that a lot of people say that they will do whatever it takes, then asks--'when it comes right down to it--will ya?' Good question...His question is answered in turn by one Jackie--who is challenged by Ivory to go jump into the waterpool, but at first hedges...when Ivory thanks her abruptly, sending her on her way, she pauses slightly--then runs and jumps on in..Wise choice.

And then there is Dan the pajama guy..Oh, my...droning on and on how great he is..they cut to his audition tape--where he says that he is 'counting down the days until he can get in Taz's face'...Interesting...When Al asks him why he doesn't like Taz, he replies that Taz is a piece of..well, you-know-what..Al then asks him how threatening can he be in his pajamas, he has the grapefruits to snap back: 'About as threatening as I could be carrying a HEAD out to the ring..'

Oh, my..

They don't seem to cotton to that..Bob is staring at him intently, and oh, so quietly says, 'Have a nice day..' someone else says, 'You'll go a long way hating Taz, by the way..' Hmm..You might think that it is over for 'ol Dan at this point, but oh, no indeedy..We see in subtitles that 'Big' wants him in the final 25...Dunn asks why, and he replies, 'Just wait..' I know I can't...

We then see teeny-tiny Jessie, with the mother who suffers from depression..

We then are fast-forwarded to the next morning when the 25 are posted..the mob scene is in place, and 'Big' comes out and gives them all a pep talk, then posts the semi-finalists..only one is late--and that is Alicia--who didn't want to be there at exactly eleven and be trampled in the crowd..there is some disagreement on why she wasn't there on time, but the semi-finalists are chosen, and we see them all hugging and happy---all except Rudy, who declares that they have not seen the last of him!

We then move on to physicals and interviews, a judges conference, and then on to Red Rock Canyon--to the physical challenge! The contestants are all bussed in, and surprise!

It's Taz!

He gets all kinds of hardcore in Dan the pajama guy's face, and it is beautiful to witness....

They then have to run three miles uphill in the heat...and stop halfway to load up with a backpack containing fifteen percent of their total body weight. It is a long, sweaty, grueling run, with lots of chatty filler and Taz giving Dan crap the entire way...and dishing it out to Jake about his haircut..

The 'other Dan' is the first to finish, and feels he is a shoo-in...We see a lot of laggers and walkers, and I can sure understand why..when they finish, the winners are announced, with the pre-letdown peptalk..More chat, more filler, as they wait for the results..the judges are shown meeting again, and 'The other Dan' is given more consideration for finishing first..

And the lucky contestants are annouced by Taz, who reminds the others that they are still 'alternates', and to keep training...

The list is as follows: Anni, Kenny, Jake, Alicia, Matt, Linda, Hawk, Shad, Jessie, Jackie, Aaron, Pete, and Robert! (and neither of the Dans..the one of whom is shown sunburnt and in tears, while the rest congratulate each other and celebrate..)

So there you have it---it should be quite interesting as the weeks progress...fade to black..